im not not a perfect person, no one is. i can not change the freckles on my body, the way my brain works or how i feel. im human, just like anyone else, but if you look much deeper you will see someone just trying to fit in. ever since i can remember ive needed somewhere to hide, ive never had anything come easy to me. im not one to open up and tell you my life story because if i did it would take a couple days, my life hasnt been easy, im lucky yes to have a life like mine but it wasnt always good. i grew up with parents always fighting and switching houses daily, in return it made me shut off to love, hating the thought of letting someone in and knowing i could get hurt. ive learned many lessons in my life that i personally dont think i 17 year old should have to yet. im constantly thinking, analyzing a situation. i can never get silence or peace. i try to make sense of my days but always are left with questions. im exhauted of my life, sometimes i wish i could crawl in a ball amd just be done with it and go to heaven with the only person i know who will truly ever love me for every mistake and regret ive made, every tear and blood ive shed and the one person who knows me best, i cant get through a day with out him. i tell him my secrets and fears and i know he will never give me too much than what i can handle, yes i often question him but i know hes doing whatever hes doing ot be for a reason and purpose. life is a roller coaster, sometimes its fun and sometimes it makes me sick. i want the gaurentee in life that ill get married, fall in love that everyone talks about, have kids that ill love and live a great life. my past makes me constantly worry. what if im not good enough to be loved, my parents havent been the prime example of what love is so how will i know what it is. i got the chance to really be in love and i waled away, made the mistake of thinking i didnt deserve it, when i realized how much i wanted that relationship it was too late, he found a better girl than me. i cried, i sat in a parking lot at 2 in the morning and sobbed until i couldnt cry anymore, it had happened. my heart had been broken. someone can tell you how it feels but youll never know until you feel it yourself. as i sat alone in that lonely parking lot i had two choices. 1. i could keep crying and be depressed and give up on love. or 2. i could pick myself up, know that im better than this situation and move on with my head held high. i chose the second choice but with a few more tears. i consider myself a stron baby. im a tough girl to break but once you do thats it, im a mess. so i drove home, put myself to bed and cried myself to sleep. im a crazy time in my life, im going to be a senior in high school. in about 2 weeks the people who know me best in my life are going to college where they will grow up and become amazing people i already know they are. im selfish because i want them to stay by me, help me through this year. im bad with change, i know its going to be the hardest thing saying goodbye to them. my heart hurts because i know im the best i can be when im with them, i dont fake a smile and my laugh is pure.  i love them so much im amazed sometimes. i honeslty cant believe im so grown, when did it happen? all these things are happening and i feel like i cant keep up.im a girl whos scared to get hurt, i want love, i refuse to settle, i want to graduate high school, go to college, become a succesful sperson, and when i look back at my life smile with no regrets. my body is small but my hopes and dreams are big,